Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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