You smell like a Billy Joel song
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
