woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
