Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Green mimosas i think yes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
