I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
