As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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