one might say we're banned from that church
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
