dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
