wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I deserve this hangover.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
