and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
