You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am full of burrito and curiosity
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
