It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
