see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I enjoy the company of your penis
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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