I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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