drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
