Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
