Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
