he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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