Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
