When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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