Will you blow on my dice?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
