1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
