I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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