im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i will never coherently bang her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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