38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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