his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
