im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
