i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
