I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
