We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
