Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
