at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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