I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
