don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize