they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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