My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
