Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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