he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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