I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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