we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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