He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
