i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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