so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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