I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
