I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
