planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
