there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
