I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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