I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
