i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
