im about as happy as oj after his trial
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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