Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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