can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
