You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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