Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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