Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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