Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
