Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize