my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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