Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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