so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
