...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
