I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
