Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
