I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
