You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
