I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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