After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
