peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
