ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
