I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
