someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
