Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All the doctor said was why
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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