Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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