I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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