You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize