yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
