Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
