I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
