Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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