I wish I only lived at night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
