I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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