Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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